Monday, May 14, 2012

(courtesy of West Hawaii Today News)

Recently a friend wrote to me, "Bree I'm not going to be one of the sheep that follow you".  At first, I took a lot of offense to it, maybe grew upset, finally let it go and forgot about it, because I didn't even really understand it.  One thing I did not forget about was my DNF in Knoxville last Sunday.  An entire season last year, crossing every line I began, had me pretty confident that I am one of those few in this life that stand firm and finish what I start, despite the difficulty.  Not so much because it's my job, but it is who I am-a fighter.  For almost a week I've been bumming.  I put a lot of pressure on myself, I care so much about what sponsors think, and of course a part of me does not want to let anyone down...that DNF I took personally rather than "move on" or "get over it".  Perhaps I have a sporting problem?  Not sure, I read Ryan Hall's book of ups and downs and he took things personally too, because he really cared, by the end of the book he cared "just the right amount".  That is what I am striving for too, to care enough that it matters but not too much that sport defines me entirely...
Today the sheep following thing that once bothered me now uplifts me.  The friend that sent the note came over and explained it in such a way that perhaps, just maybe, the way I am struggling with taking sport personally yet not care too much or too little, now makes me get out of my own way.  The sheep thing meant, that there are people that actually care for more than swim splits, faster mile time, marathon goal pace, and a race result.  In sport, especially when it is a major part of your life, it's hard not to get caught up in the splits, paces, times, and such.  So while I was drowning is sorry-for-myself over not even having a finish time, he meant that "life and those closest to us care about so much more".  He is not a sheep, that follows every split, pace, time, race result, because that is not all about me....
Mother's Day yesterday was also the PERFECT time to prove to myself that as much as I LOVE racing and sport, finish line times and maybe even a DNF does not define us, entirely.  During the Mother's Day Biathlon Kainoa was my partner, we did his mile pace in the run, he took a finisher time, I let him cross the line as the champ.  So while I thought I was over the DNF, it wasn't till today, talking about sheep, that I actually got over it...

...and then I watched Kainoa's swim practice and you know how that goes, sport really is so much fun, I cannot let myself forget that.  3wks till the next race, Hawaii 70.3...on that day, my pace Kainoa.



Blogger JC said...

Happy Mother's Day beautiful Momma! OMG - that pic sure does show how much the little Dude is growing - WOW! What a little man. Bree - you are an AMAZING Mom, athlete, person, friend etc ALWAYS remeber that.

May 15, 2012 at 3:08 AM

Blogger Christi said...

Happy Momma's Day Bree!

I believe you are doing very well in life and in sport. Finding the balance is tough for all of us. I know I struggle everyday. But you have an advantage, you want to find the balance! You will!

May 15, 2012 at 4:42 AM

Blogger Big Daddy Diesel said...

Happy Mothers Day

When I read the sheep comment, I was thinking the same thing you were, then when I read their explanation, that is really true, thank you for sharing that with us

May 15, 2012 at 9:21 AM

Blogger Lucy Francis said...

you did the best you could with the situation you faced at our last race. the reality is that the majority of us would have gone through the same feelings as you because it's human nature to worry about what we care about. however as you have pointed out it's important to moveon and put that behind you with another race. Good luck for Honu :-)

May 15, 2012 at 11:37 AM

Blogger Kiersten said...

I am a Rev3 (not at all fast) age group team member, and Mom to two awesome kids. I am a total fan (and follower of yours), but honestly I enjoy following you because of your stories of balancing Mom and triathlete, your obvious and abundant love for your son, and your constant smile. I have cheered for you at races even though I know you have no clue who I am...and I am totally ok with that. I am a fan, but not one who dissects your splits, your wins, your races. I appreciate what you share, and your honesty about the Knoxville race. You seem like a wonderful person and an absolutely amazing mother...the rest is just gravy. :)

May 15, 2012 at 12:56 PM

Blogger Amy Morrison said...

LOVE YOU BREE. Reading your blog always makes me smile. Wish I could be there in 3wks to cheer your quick butt to the finish. Missing it by a few weeks, can't wait to see you soon!

May 15, 2012 at 3:10 PM

Blogger Rebecca Boswell said...

Aloha Bree!

I am friends with Sara and we spoke a bit about your experience at lunch yesterday. I had a similar disappointment in March (if you are interested: I am not an elite athlete like you, but the heartbreak and feelings for both of us were very real.
It took me a solid month to unpack the lessons from that race and overall think it has made me a stronger person in many ways. It has also broadened my perspective and helped me to be more compassionate with myself and others. While I would not have been able to comprehend this in March, from where I sit today I am actually happy to have had the experience. I dont ever want it again, but know I would not be where I am today if it had not happened. I hope you are able to unpack some unlikely gifts from your experience too.
You rock mama.
Rebecca from Albany

May 18, 2012 at 6:14 PM


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