Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Today Starts Kindergarten...

Our beautiful Summer days have come to an end. The beach moments, surf adventures, the hikes, bike rides, and shell collecting at sunset have all brought us to this morning, Kainoa's first day of school...
Monday his little hand grabbed mine as we walked closer to his classroom where he'd meet his teacher for the first time. He held my hand so tight, his little eyes filled with tears, not the kind that roll down your face, the ones that fill your vision and if you blink they roll. He was holding back emotions of something new, exciting, and unknown. "Mom are you scared?", little Kainoa asked. In this moment he was just being a young boy needing a little confidence from mom. Not long ago, as a baby, he was needing everything from me. And I know as quickly as our Summer passed he will be a grown man depending on me even less, this moment I had to cherish.
Memories of Kainoa as a baby in my arms, now a little boy with his hand in mine all flooded my mind, like watching the first 5 years of his life unfold moment by moment. Now my eyes were filled with those tears that fill the vision but don't roll down your cheeks. He's always been my strength, this time it was my turn to reaffirm to him Kindergarten is not scary...
To all of us that have successfully survived Kindergarten we know, "its just Kindergarten". Similar to all of us that have survived our first Ironmans, now we know it's really not that scary. It's just the unknown that gets in our way and causes those moments of fear. It felt like I was taking my child to the start line of his first Ironman. He would have to go an entire day on his own. Of course people are around us, athletes, cheerleaders, volunteers. At school he would have the teacher, classmates, and all the school staff. But it would be up to him to find the bathroom, the water faucet, sit in that big lunchroom and get out his own lunch, walk in the lines and follow the rules, and get along with so many new people. And like the finish line of that first Ironman, your supporters will be waiting.
"Nope, Kindergarten is not scary one bit, it's the most fun you are going to have". That's what I told him, then he saw the playground, dropped my hand and ran as fast as his feet could carry him to what would become the some of the best memories in the making. Just like an Ironman. We hold the hands of those that give us confidence at the start line, but once the race is on and the gun sounds, we go as fast as we can setting out with that same confidence.
We got to his classroom with bags of school supplies. The teacher was so excited to meet the new class and make all the parents lable every single crayon in all the boxes. I labeled 100 crayons at Kainoa's tiny desk. Then wrote his name on the markers too! Maybe Kindergarten is scary, I never remember putting my name on EVERY single crayon, but we survived and Kainoa left the class just beeming with joy! He could hardly wait for Wednesday to get here, the first day of school.
In about 2 hours it will be time for Kainoas dad and I to walk Kainoa to his class. Guarenteed he we be the one smiling and beeming, I'll be the one holding those vision blurring tears, and his dad will be the one giving him that reaffirming, "you got this son".

As usual, I'm going to ramble in another direction. Yesterday had one heck of a long day on the bike, it was a mess in all ways except finishing. The boys put the hurt on so bad that the 3 I began with had me making it back with only one of them, the one that waited. In more ways than I'd like to count those ridiculous thoughts entertain us about how sucky we are training, it made me mad, sad, and almost discouraged. Hanging over my bike at the finish much like a drunk girl might hang over the toilet it occured to me, these are big men, they are stronger and faster, they humbled me in ways I didn't want but needed.


About sunset time it was a run, 5 miler building. 2 other guys were there to keep me honest. You know when you hop off your bike after 112 miles and your legs feel shut down? That's how my legs felt. We did the first mile slow enough that Kainoa could keep up if he was running with us, honest. But as boys will be boys the pace picked up gradually, actually quickly. I found if I didn't focus on the pace, just being "part of the run" it was doable. I also couldn't focus on how much further or entertain thoughts of that horrible ride that was still in my legs. Sort of like, let go of the past and don't worry about the future, be in the moment. So I did that and let me tell you what happened next! We were running at a pace I DREAM of running in a race, the pace I WISH I could run more often, in fact, it ended in a full on sprint so fast one of the boys $h!t his pants! It was perfect...


That has nothing to do with Kainoa's first day of Kindergarten, but it served as a really good reminder that you just can't always trust those scray feelings, you sometimes simply have to have that little bit of confidence in the moment, not even thinking of what's been done or what's left to do. Alright, time to get after Kindergarten!!



Melissa said...

Hi Bree. I hope the drop off went well this morning <3 I'm tearing up thinking about your little man going to school.

Nitsirk said...

This post made me cry. My little boy is growing up so fast too. I was having to make some tough decisions about work and this helped me get my priorities back in line. Hope it went well for both of you!

Jennifer Harrison said...

WOW, the first day of Kindergarden is a huge milestone for the child AND MOM. I remember that day for the twins - it was not long ago - they start 4th grade here in a week or so. I dropped them off, turned around and balled like a baby!!!

Then, by 1st grade, I was drinking Mimosas with my friends on the first day of school. LOL

Hope you both had a good first day!

marian said...

what a day you had!!
transformation happened on several levels.
love how your run ended! you are strong!!!

Charisa said...

What a fun journey you are on - enjoy! Kainoa is a lucky little boy!

Christy said...

Wow, I hope his day went well yesterday!!! My little one starts Kindergarten in a couple of weeks.

Thanks for this post too. All of it! Your words about your bike ride reminded me exactly how I was feeling last night in the pool! After my drills because I didn't hit the time I was wanting I felt defeated. Like what the hell am I doing? But it is a new day. So I will continue to rock on!!!

Lucy Francis said...

what a great comparison between Ironman/Kindergarten. It's so true, the scary bit is only before we jump in and that's a great analogy for anything in life.
It's a case of feeling the fear and doing it anyway. So pleased Kainoa is enjoying it, i bet he can't wait for Monday to go back to school :-)
Oh the bike! I get dropped all the time so I know what you mean, specially if you're in area you don't know very well and you need to find your way back home. In these situations the Garmin can be quite annoying too as it gives me the weirdest directions :-)

Dawn said...

I'm behind in reading your blog! ;) Loved reading this... and your comparison to life, so neat. Brought tears, as my little guy is starting first grade and my daughter in third. I so remember last year, as it was my last baby going off to the big K, no more preschool and alone bonding time. It goes way too fast! Hope Kainoa had a great first day of Kindergarten and is enjoying his class. What a special life you two have... thanks for sharing!